The New Class Season 1, Episode 2: “The Slumber Party”

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vlcsnap-2014-04-01-00h21m38s109Our episode opens with Scott coming into The Max and…oh my god! What the hell is he wearing? I lived through the nineties and this was never in fashion, even in the Dawson’s Creek bad sweater phase I lived through in high school. I get that the crew was trying to update the look for a new generation but this is not capturing the spirit of the nineties!

Anyway, Scott tells us it’s the big football game between Bayside and Valley and Scott feels conflicted since he used to attend Valley. But his penis soon does his thinking for him as Tommy D, Weasel, and Lindsay come in, with Lindsay exclaiming that she wants Bayside to win and naturally Scott agrees with every word she says. And, since I’m criticizing fashion and we’re less than two minutes into the episode, I’ll just point out that Weasel is dressed here as a retarded Mario Brother.

vlcsnap-2014-04-01-00h26m02s170The writers seem intent on trying to prove that Tommy D isn’t Slater by having him insist that this “game stuff” is so uncool. Scott senses an opportunity to swoop down on his prey and immediately starts sucking Lindsay’s lady penis to try and show her how perfect he is. Tommy D continues about how this “pom pom stuff” is for dweebs. Uh, Tommy, you do know that only the cheerleaders use pom poms and not the football players, right? I’d question what Lindsay sees in Tommy D but then I’d just be pointing out the obvious.

Lindsay is conscripting her friends into planning for the pep rally before the big game and, as Vicki and Megan come in, Vicki is assigned to food duty because she likes to talk about throwing up. Yeah, it makes little sense to me either. Weasel and Megan are paired up for the music committee and Weasel immediately channels his inner Screech to sexually harass Megan.

vlcsnap-2014-04-01-00h34m13s252Scott volunteers for decoration duty but Tommy D doesn’t trust his motives since Scott is a former Valley student. Wait, not a minute ago Tommy D didn’t give a rat’s ass about any of this stuff and suddenly he doesn’t trust Scott is rooting for Bayside? I see consistency has been left out of this episode. Scott goes to the next table where a group of non-speaking extras from Valley are sitting and bets them $100 that Bayside will beat Valley, hoping that this will prove his loyalty to Bayside and allow him to get into Lindsay’s lady bits. And, in another dated reference, Weasel laments that $100 could buy him twenty minutes on the Blossom party line. Who would he talk to: Joey Lawrence?

vlcsnap-2014-04-01-00h41m15s108Back at Bayside, there’s some boring stuff about Vicki bugging Mr. Belding for vegan refreshments and Weasel continues his sexual harassment of Megan. But the important stuff comes in Lindsay’s compliments about Scott’s contributions to the decorating committee. Scott is disturbed, though, that, despite his greatest efforts to bang Lindsay, she blows him off to meet Tommy D at The Max, because why the hell would she possibly want to hang out with her boyfriend? Scott formulates a plan to dress as a blonde girl and crash Lindsay’s slumber party that was only mentioned five seconds ago in order to influence her opinion of Tommy D.

vlcsnap-2014-04-01-00h46m19s40At the titular slumber party, Vicki is wearing an oversized toilet seat cover and Megan seems to be questioning the fact that she’s friends with someone who wears a bathroom accessory on her neck. A knock on the door brings Weasel, who is dropping off Scott’s “cousin” from Wisconsin, “Tina,” and I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Scott dressed in drag actually makes Zack Morris’s attempt at drag believable.

vlcsnap-2014-04-01-00h48m50s87And Weasel is wearing Twister pajamas hoping the girls will let him stay too, but they spin left face on door.

vlcsnap-2014-04-01-00h50m19s203Meanwhile, no one fucking realizes this is Scott in drag because why would they? After all, in the Saved by the Bell universe, no one has facial recognition skills, except the time that Kelly, Lisa, and Jessie mentally undressed Screech, but that’s a different story. Tina begins regaling the girls with stories of how great  Scott is and how horrible Tommy D is. Apparently Tommy D likes cars and video games, making him a horrible person and completely undatable.

Meanwhile, at The Max, Weasel has suddenly changed clothes and is playing, wouldn’t you know it, video games with Tommy D. Oh, the humanity!  How could Tommy D be playing video games when Lindsay is doing so many more important things like gossiping about him with a bad drag queen and a girl with a toilet seat on her neck.

vlcsnap-2014-04-01-00h57m38s229And enter our comic relief for the episode, Crunch Grabowski, a waiter at The Max. He’ll show up again this season but this time he’s here to deliver a pizza to the slumber party. Despite the fact he looks like he’s in his late-twenties, I looked it up and the actor playing him was only seventeen at the time of this episode. Wow.

Tommy D wants to ride along with Crunch so he can try and catch the girls in hot lesbian action, but Weasel, knowing Scott is there, tries to discourage him. That gives us the most disturbing fantasy sequence of this series yet.

vlcsnap-2014-04-01-01h02m55s116 vlcsnap-2014-04-01-01h02m44s221 vlcsnap-2014-04-01-01h02m33s90Yeah, the fantasy sequence is basically Weasel imagining that the slumber party is his masturbatory Aladdin fantasy and that the girls are scantily clad and going crazy over him.This makes him immediately decide to accompany Crunch and Tommy D to the slumber party, hoping to get laid.

Back at the party, the girls are swooning over a teen mag article about Luke Perry and Tina is all, “Scott’s hella better in bed than Luke Perry!” Right about then, Crunch, Tommy D, and Weasel show up with the pizza. Tina’s hiding her face from Tommy D, which makes no sense because if Scott’s disguise is actually clever enough to fool the girls it should, in theory fool Tommy D as well. It definitely does fool Crunch, who is practically wetting himself over Tina and spills pizza on her. Once she leaves, he declares his eternal love for a girl he met in passing seconds earlier.

vlcsnap-2014-04-01-01h09m18s53The next day, Lindsay is all, “Tommy, if you loved me you would be exactly like me and like all the same things I do!” Tommy’s like, “Fuck that shit! Different is good!” as Lindsay storms away.

Meanwhile, Mr. Belding is escorting Crunch through the hallway like his best girl because apparently Crunch is not only The Max’s least competent employee, but he’s a football player too! He’s so three dimensional! Crunch looks disturbed at Mr. Belding’s affections and tries to let down Mr. Belding easily by tell him there’s another man in his life.vlcsnap-2014-04-01-01h13m50s230Crunch is distraught when he finds out Tina is on her way back to Wisconsin and says he’s not playing until he gets to see her. This, of course, means bad news for Scott since he has $100 riding on the game, and agrees to go and “catch” Tina so that Crunch will play.

vlcsnap-2014-04-01-01h17m49s61We go to the gymnasium where Weasel is doing a disturbing mating dance to try and woo Megan. Tommy D comes in and it turns out Lindsay blew off a date with him in order to decorate, which obviously means that now Scott has a place to put his man chowder.

Meanwhile, Scott gives Crunch a Dear John letter from Tina, which makes things worse because Crunch takes his issues to Mr. Belding, who misuses his authority to force Scott to find a way to bring Tina back.

vlcsnap-2014-04-01-01h22m38s138After the commercials, we cut to the pep rally.

vlcsnap-2014-04-01-01h26m05s140And if it looks familiar, that’s because apparently a pep rally gets the exact same decorations as the dance from the last episode. Something tells me someone other than Lindsay and Scott should be in charge of decorations next time.

vlcsnap-2014-04-01-01h30m23s232Mr. Belding walks in on Scott changing into Tina and thinks that there’s a little something something going on between Weasel and Tina. Oh, and Tina’s hair color has changed due to the unavailability of the blonde wig from before, but this will have absolutely no bearing on the plot because Crunch is apparently being played as a dumb ass who doesn’t even question Tina’s new hair color.

Back at the Pep Rally, which apparently involves slow dancing…

Slow dancing…at a pep rally…

No. No. No. Kelly, Lisa, and Jessie’s stupid little cheer was better than this. Apparently Lindsay views “pep rally” as an excuse to throw a dance, which makes even less sense due to the fact Tommy D was so adamantly opposed to any involvement with it. I am…so…confused right now…

The writers of this show really have no clue, do they?

But let’s roll with it for now since this episode is nearly over. Crunch wants to get it on with Tina but Tina is playing hard to get. She also gets in the middle of a dispute with Lindsay and Tommy D, further solidifying their hoped-for break up.

vlcsnap-2014-04-01-01h38m04s241Tina spills something on herself to give her an excuse to leave the room and avoid the sexual aggression of Crunch. But, in the hallway, Tommy D finds Scott with wig in hand and earrings still in.

vlcsnap-2014-04-01-01h41m15s37Tommy D finally becomes the first person to figure out what Scott has been up to and forces Scott to dress again like Tina under threat of bodily harm to repair the damage he did to Lindsay and Tommy’s relationship. He tells Lindsay Tommy is a good guy after all. They kiss, agree that their character traits can be expanded to include other interests, and the audience goes fucking crazy.

And our episode ends with Crunch having a nice Rhonda Rubestelli-style dance with Tina, because he’s big and that’s funny.

vlcsnap-2014-04-01-01h47m43s66

God, Scott is just a dick, isn’t he?

And so ends my recap of “Screech’s Woman”…I mean, “The Slumber Party”…

First: Crunch Grabowski.

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